hopeless... but never giving up

can we talk about how it feels in the present moment?

can we talk about how sick, hopeless, guilty, even disappointed you feel?

(...)

last night you first learned about demi's new, how she's hospitalized over a possible overdosis. that made you feel so sad. I guess it feels very close to your heart, doesn't it? to always keep coming back to same mistakes. not mistakes.
it feels powerless to feel this dependant. to always come back to this.

here you are. 7 am. first hour of the day.
a huge amount of pão de queijo plus two more packs of buttered biscuit. each bite filled with guilty makes me eat even more.

I thought I had it all sorted out, finally.
it lasted a week.
we'll discuss that another time.

we're demi.

powerless.
feeling sick how I am.
knees hurting.
urgency.
sadness.
hopeless.

never giving up.